Ohh..mengapakahhhh?
Apsal la ko datang balik?
Adoyai.
Now aku kene makan ubat tu sepanjang mase ke?
Isk..barulah pikir da bole stop makan ubat and jadik normal sikit.
Duhh..
1st of July aku harapkan jadik last appointment.
Now ko buat hal, mau doctor suruh makan ubat tu 3 bulan lagi.
Operate and buang je la cyst tu doctor oii.
Aaaa~ serabut kot.
ROS report la, LP la, masalah percintaan, and now masalah kesihatan yang tak settle lagi rupanya.
Ohh..sesungguhnya aku tak larat nak pikir.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
I've made a discovery today.
I discover that,
this chaotic life that I've been living after the big break up
is actually me finding myself.
I discover that,
I was so consumed by thoughts of having my own family
and making my in-laws to like me
when I was in that relationship.
Now that I have more time for myself,
I start to look for what I really want in my life,
who I really am,
that I make extreme decisions,
trying out things I'd always wanted to do but never had the courage to do so,
and it's a try-and-error process.
I'm finding myself.
I do not know how to express this,
but this is a very important stage in my life.
this chaotic life that I've been living after the big break up
is actually me finding myself.
I discover that,
I was so consumed by thoughts of having my own family
and making my in-laws to like me
when I was in that relationship.
Now that I have more time for myself,
I start to look for what I really want in my life,
who I really am,
that I make extreme decisions,
trying out things I'd always wanted to do but never had the courage to do so,
and it's a try-and-error process.
I'm finding myself.
I do not know how to express this,
but this is a very important stage in my life.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Finally..*sigh
This morning, it finally visited me.
Well, I was quite worried about it coming late.
I only have 7 days, and it came on the 5th,
so of course I have the right to be scared.
I kept thinking,
"What if it still doesn't come on Sunday?
Should I keep taking those pills as prescribed?"
I was so scared that I even thought of making a quick visit to Dr. Leny.
The thing is this whole new prescribed pills are making me nervous,
and emotionally unbalanced,
which I'm afraid would affect people around me.
And I've been quiet sometimes,
too quiet sometimes,
as it makes me more comfortable shall I say?
I try to imagine, many times in fact, how those housewives can survive this condition,
just for the sake of family planning?
Those pills make me miserable,
not only for the fast-growing pimples,
but most importantly, they affect my life.
This is another difficult phase in my life.
I make jokes of it, seriously, many times,
because I become nervous whenever I take it seriously.
Life's not a joke,
therefore, whether I like it or not,
I have to think about this matter seriously in my head.
I'm not pathetic,
I do not need any sympathy,
but I do need companions at certain times,
and I'm trying to survive this whole crap alone, sometimes.
I'm not dying anyway.
Well, I was quite worried about it coming late.
I only have 7 days, and it came on the 5th,
so of course I have the right to be scared.
I kept thinking,
"What if it still doesn't come on Sunday?
Should I keep taking those pills as prescribed?"
I was so scared that I even thought of making a quick visit to Dr. Leny.
The thing is this whole new prescribed pills are making me nervous,
and emotionally unbalanced,
which I'm afraid would affect people around me.
And I've been quiet sometimes,
too quiet sometimes,
as it makes me more comfortable shall I say?
I try to imagine, many times in fact, how those housewives can survive this condition,
just for the sake of family planning?
Those pills make me miserable,
not only for the fast-growing pimples,
but most importantly, they affect my life.
This is another difficult phase in my life.
I make jokes of it, seriously, many times,
because I become nervous whenever I take it seriously.
Life's not a joke,
therefore, whether I like it or not,
I have to think about this matter seriously in my head.
I'm not pathetic,
I do not need any sympathy,
but I do need companions at certain times,
and I'm trying to survive this whole crap alone, sometimes.
I'm not dying anyway.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I'm scared of the differences.
I'm scared of the differences.
What if I screw it up one more time?
Will it affect others' lives?
Hell yes.
And I'll be forever guilty, again.
I'm totally scared and confused,
they always say "Just follow the flow",
but eventually, I will arrive at the point where I do have to decide
and people will want to know my decision,
and hope that it will be a happy one.
Should I only start thinking when I'm finally asked?
Or to keep silence when I cannot give the expected answer?
Or to run away like I always did before?
I do not want to run away anymore,
nor that I know what I should do.
Will I make the same old mistake by ignoring the differences?
Will I be stupid for letting this one valuable chance to pass me by?
I guess, I'm just too scared of the outcome.
And, I've never been so scared like this.
I am my old self again: the perfectionist.
What if I screw it up one more time?
Will it affect others' lives?
Hell yes.
And I'll be forever guilty, again.
I'm totally scared and confused,
they always say "Just follow the flow",
but eventually, I will arrive at the point where I do have to decide
and people will want to know my decision,
and hope that it will be a happy one.
Should I only start thinking when I'm finally asked?
Or to keep silence when I cannot give the expected answer?
Or to run away like I always did before?
I do not want to run away anymore,
nor that I know what I should do.
Will I make the same old mistake by ignoring the differences?
Will I be stupid for letting this one valuable chance to pass me by?
I guess, I'm just too scared of the outcome.
And, I've never been so scared like this.
I am my old self again: the perfectionist.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
I love the day, but I'm not sure of the night.
I went to HTAR by bus early this morning, alone,
and it was soooo peaceful and fun!
*minus the fact that I'd to wait for 3hours for the appointment.
Stalking pakcik bas with questions,
spending my RM1 notes on the bus fares,
chit-chatting with the makcik at the hospital,
and chasing buses in the middle of Klang city.
Wee~
The ovarian cyst (as I had expected what it is) had shrunk to 3cm from 5cm,
and more hormone pills are prescribed for me.
"Too little for an operation," the doctor told me.
I also discovered one new fact about myself:
I have not only sensitive skin, I also have sensitive teeth!
* Dr. Ros is a kind and soft-spoken dentist that's not easy to find.
And I also discovered how I love and enjoy his company, even only through smses.
And I miss him too.
Opss.
and it was soooo peaceful and fun!
*minus the fact that I'd to wait for 3hours for the appointment.
Stalking pakcik bas with questions,
spending my RM1 notes on the bus fares,
chit-chatting with the makcik at the hospital,
and chasing buses in the middle of Klang city.
Wee~
The ovarian cyst (as I had expected what it is) had shrunk to 3cm from 5cm,
and more hormone pills are prescribed for me.
"Too little for an operation," the doctor told me.
I also discovered one new fact about myself:
I have not only sensitive skin, I also have sensitive teeth!
* Dr. Ros is a kind and soft-spoken dentist that's not easy to find.
And I also discovered how I love and enjoy his company, even only through smses.
And I miss him too.
Opss.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
My first post.
Setelah dinasihati oleh Cik Ros dan Cik Beck, serta sokongan dari Cik Fara,
maka wujud la akhirnye blog saya.
Rase malu2 plak da ade blog sendiri.
Erkk.
Tak penah terfikir nak mewujudkan blog sendiri,
tapi da asyik j-chow memanjang,
baik buat blog untuk meluah perasaan.
It's waaaaay better than posting my thoughts on facebook, right?
Hehe.
Baru saja selesai menonton movie yang sangat saya suka,
'He's just not that into you'
Suka sangat watch this movie whenever I feel down in relationships.
Watched it first time after broke-up with my bf.
That was in August 2009, if I'm not mistaken.
Rase macam da lame sangat since the broke-up.
Okay, I cried macam orang giler sikit while watching the movie at that time.
Rase macam "What went wrong after 5/6 years? Why now?"
Well, obviously there was something wrong about it from the start.
I admit, I tried to ignore the differences.
I was blind, love made me blind,
love always makes me blind.
Haihh...
But now, I couldn't imagine myself in that very long relationship.
Pelik kan?
Rase kagum with myself pun iye jugak.
:P
Men and boys come and go.
*or is it me come and go as I please?
I did think I'd fallen for some of the guys.
I think.
I used to jump in a fake, short-termed relationship.
And I got stuck.
My fault.
I let my guard down.
I don't look at it as love now that I'm more sane and rational.
I was lonely and scared at that time.
I perceive it as 'a misguided feeling'.
I cannot promise that I'm more matured now that I'm a 22-year-old babe,
but I'm taking my time to fall in love nowadays.
No rush.
Well, if a guy really likes you, you can see it.
:)
My main problem is:
when I start to have feelings for a guy,
I cannot read the signs clearly and precisely.
It's the reason why I watched that movie tonight as I need to be enlightened.
*semakin mengarut.
I don't want to misread the signs anymore.
He treated me like some piece of shit, but I thought he was being practical.
He checked out sexy, fleshy girls in front of my eyes, but I thought he was being masculine.
He manipulated me, but I thought he needed me.
He blew me off, but I thought he needed more time to be brave.
I'm done with misreading the signals.
Well, if a guy really wants you, he'll always find a way to your heart kan?
maka wujud la akhirnye blog saya.
Rase malu2 plak da ade blog sendiri.
Erkk.
Tak penah terfikir nak mewujudkan blog sendiri,
tapi da asyik j-chow memanjang,
baik buat blog untuk meluah perasaan.
It's waaaaay better than posting my thoughts on facebook, right?
Hehe.
Baru saja selesai menonton movie yang sangat saya suka,
'He's just not that into you'
Suka sangat watch this movie whenever I feel down in relationships.
Watched it first time after broke-up with my bf.
That was in August 2009, if I'm not mistaken.
Rase macam da lame sangat since the broke-up.
Okay, I cried macam orang giler sikit while watching the movie at that time.
Rase macam "What went wrong after 5/6 years? Why now?"
Well, obviously there was something wrong about it from the start.
I admit, I tried to ignore the differences.
I was blind, love made me blind,
love always makes me blind.
Haihh...
But now, I couldn't imagine myself in that very long relationship.
Pelik kan?
Rase kagum with myself pun iye jugak.
:P
Men and boys come and go.
*or is it me come and go as I please?
I did think I'd fallen for some of the guys.
I think.
I used to jump in a fake, short-termed relationship.
And I got stuck.
My fault.
I let my guard down.
I don't look at it as love now that I'm more sane and rational.
I was lonely and scared at that time.
I perceive it as 'a misguided feeling'.
I cannot promise that I'm more matured now that I'm a 22-year-old babe,
but I'm taking my time to fall in love nowadays.
No rush.
Well, if a guy really likes you, you can see it.
:)
My main problem is:
when I start to have feelings for a guy,
I cannot read the signs clearly and precisely.
It's the reason why I watched that movie tonight as I need to be enlightened.
*semakin mengarut.
I don't want to misread the signs anymore.
He treated me like some piece of shit, but I thought he was being practical.
He checked out sexy, fleshy girls in front of my eyes, but I thought he was being masculine.
He manipulated me, but I thought he needed me.
He blew me off, but I thought he needed more time to be brave.
I'm done with misreading the signals.
Well, if a guy really wants you, he'll always find a way to your heart kan?